John 10 ~ I and the Father are one

John 10

“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber. ² But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. ³ To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. ⁵ A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” ⁶ This figure of speech Jesus used with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them.

⁷ So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. ⁸ All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. ⁹ I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. ¹⁰ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. ¹¹ I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. ¹² He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. ¹³ He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. ¹⁴ I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, ¹⁵ just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. ¹⁶ And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. ¹⁷ For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. ¹⁸ No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.”

¹⁹ There was again a division among the Jews because of these words. ²⁰ Many of them said, “He has a demon, and is insane; why listen to him?” ²¹ Others said, “These are not the words of one who is oppressed by a demon. Can a demon open the eyes of the blind?”

²² At that time the Feast of Dedication took place at Jerusalem. It was winter, ²³ and Jesus was walking in the temple, in the colonnade of Solomon. ²⁴ So the Jews gathered around him and said to him, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly.” ²⁵ Jesus answered them, “I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father's name bear witness about me, ²⁶ but you do not believe because you are not among my sheep. ²⁷ My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. ²⁸ I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. ²⁹ My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. ³⁰ I and the Father are one.”

³¹ The Jews picked up stones again to stone him. ³² Jesus answered them, “I have shown you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you going to stone me?” ³³ The Jews answered him, “It is not for a good work that we are going to stone you but for blasphemy, because you, being a man, make yourself God.” ³⁴ Jesus answered them, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I said, you are gods’? ³⁵ If he called them gods to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be broken— ³⁶ do you say of him whom the Father consecrated and sent into the world, ‘You are blaspheming,’ because I said, ‘I am the Son of God’? ³⁷ If I am not doing the works of my Father, then do not believe me; ³⁸ but if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me and I am in the Father.” ³⁹ Again they sought to arrest him, but he escaped from their hands.

⁴⁰ He went away again across the Jordan to the place where John had been baptizing at first, and there he remained. ⁴¹ And many came to him. And they said, “John did no sign, but everything that John said about this man was true.” ⁴² And many believed in him there.

Why? Why didn't Jesus jump up and down wave His arms and just tell people "I am God." Well, it is in the first paragraph. And in verse 30.

And because the Bible - The Word of God - is active and living - it has meaning for us Today. Evangelism is effective on all levels. Why bother? People are just people, they never change.

No. People bloom and grow. They thrive. Over the land.... Jesus Christ's Spirit blooms like a breath of Spring.

There is Evangelism in 3rd world countries, there is street ministry, there are people sewing needlepoint kneelers for the Glory of God's worship center. There are people who pray for friends, there are parents who pray for children, there are people who pray for their parents and family. Be a friend bring a friend to Christ - what Is Most Effective?

Love. Real Love. Remember what God says about God. God is Love. Evangelism works best when the Holy Spirit rushes in.

Ron Luce told the story of his mom. She was abusive, poor parent - I believe he even said white trash. He found Jesus and his life changed. He felt Worthy. Loved. Chosen. Special. Precious. And this man, who had felt so worthless, became empowered with the Holy Spirit. He married a woman he loved. And they had children who were Nourished at the Table of the LORD. Whole. Holy.

And his mom would come to visit. And she would tell them they were this and they were that. Cruel things. And this family didn't like that. It is a healthy reaction. And they began to see her less. Then one day Ron was listening to his wife repeat back the unhealthy things his mom had said. And he realized. Realized. His mom felt as unworthy and white trash as he used to Feel. And there was..... compassion. Better than pity. Empathy. Ron was able to explain to his wife, Katie, how he was before his wife knew him. And because she loves Ron, she was able to see her mother-in-law for the first time with love.

There was a family meeting with the Nourished, Whole Family. And the Luce Family began.... to EVANGELIZE. No. The Luce Family began to Love. At first it was something of an act. Act in Love. But because Gramma Luce didn't know, it began to take hold. And Ron Luce had rediscovered he did Love his mom. They decided at first to brush off her cruel comments. It seemed to make her angrier. Then they got angrier. It seems gritting your teeth to love doesn't work. Then they decided to listen to what she had to say. Was the process imperfect? You Bet. Because People are not the Lord, God, The Almighty, the Most High.

As they took time to be loving to Gramma Luce, listen to what she had to say, it took about 5 years. But Ron Luce, Evangelist, (ummm.... not Ron White) had the Blessing of the Most High God, to see - his own mom fall in Love with Jesus. And the result? His mom is his best friend. She Loves the Lord. They walk together with God.

Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.


Today.





<><

John 2:13-22 ~ Jesus went up to Jerusalem

Shofar Trumpet -God calls us to Him with a Trumpet


The Royal Stoa was where the Money Changers were housed. Jesus taught from Solomon's Portico. Jesus went to the Temple at least 26 times, recorded in the Gospels; And Jesus entered Synagogues at least 12 times.

Josephus records the Temple Treasury being thirteen trumpet-like receptacles of brass. ("Ant." xix. 61, "B. J." v. 2, Jewish Encyclopedia) Shaped to prevent dishonest people from taking out coins while pretending to cast them in. The description of the trumpets being brass also means the correct Temple coinage - (available for exchange on the Temple grounds in Royal Stoa, or Portico, built by Herod) made a noise going down the trumpet, also perfect for showing off.

John 2:13-22

The Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. ¹⁴ In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers sitting there. ¹⁵ And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables. ¹⁶ And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father's house a house of trade.” ¹⁷ His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for your house will consume me.”
 

¹⁸ So the Jews said to him, “What sign do you show us for doing these things?” ¹⁹ Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.” ²⁰ The Jews then said, “It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and will you raise it up in three days?” ²¹ But he was speaking about the temple of his body. ²² When therefore he was raised from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this, and they believed the Scripture and the word that Jesus had spoken.

Can you imagine Jesus driving people and livestock out of the Temple? It was huge. This would have to be a work of God. How could one mere man drive people and livestock out of the Temple area that we know archeologically was 280 meters by 485 meters? That is a powerful miracle with the Power of God Almighty behind it. Even when a whip was used.

Faith. Belief. They were gifts given when Jesus did these amazing signs.

Would the disciples have felt afraid when Jesus over threw the money-changers? Probably.

Luke 21:1-19 ~ do not be terrified
- Scripture for Today Blogspot on prayer for direction.

This band Only Gets Better - the More it Rolls! Remember David dancing in front of the Ark!!



<><

1 Corinthians 13 ~ Love is patient and kind

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ¹² For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

¹³ So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

The person I've never written about on my blog is my mother-in-law. I've been very fortunate with my parents-in-law. All 4 in-law siblings have something in common, we all were deserted by our dads. And we all wanted to have a Dad like Buddy. Mostly. I really love my late father-in-law, we have so many funny stories to share. And I wrote one blog post where I realized Buddy worried a whole, whole lot. Woke up early to worry. And who did Buddy love most in the world? My mother-in-law. And man, man, man, man did he love her. He was Humphrey Bogart cool, but that Buddy would literally jump over the coffee table to get Gran, my mother-in-law, not to clam up.

She gave me a ring for Christmas, I asked her the story behind the ring and she teared up to say, "It was a day, Buddy, just had a little extra, so he went out and got me a ring. He did that sometimes. " And this look of profound loss misted over her eyes and for a minute she couldn't speak. I love you, Judy. I Really Love You.

Gran is very easy to love. She looks perfect, she acts perfectly. She is the High School Cheerleader perfectly coiffed, slim person. Who never was a Cheerleader and really actually has a very, very loving heart. People love her. I've dated Edward since I was 15. And Gran has seen me in all stages of my life. Some she has loved me like a real mom. And some times she has ice berged me over. Like a family squabble in 1990 where I told the truth for poor motives. I'm sorry.

But Gran saved me many, many times. And when she does she gives me this little nod that means so, so, so, so much. And a hug, and heart felt, dear, soft, "Love you." Judy spent really healing time with us after Buddy died. Some old hurts were completely healed. Judy came the day Isabelle died. She stayed and she talked. And she told me what it was like to be a widow twice. She shared with me how awful people can be to people who grieve. She told me that it would take time and it would get better. She left for home for a week and was to return the next week and she told me sweetly, kindly, uncharacteristically to clean my house, the bathrooms were unfathomably unclean. (Judy is the perfect mother-in-law - our toilets were ruined and we were having a party, she came to me in this mortified whisper and she said,"I don't mean to intrude, but your toilets are Awful." I had to laugh. I said, I know but they are clean, just ruined from bleach.) I thought - duh, my baby was dying. And I felt angry to be so sad and be cleaning. And as the bathrooms were gross and they became cleaner, I was so, so grateful to have a task to do to feel better.

My children are not verbal in the way they love her. But they really, really, really Do. One Easter she gave them Easter Bunnies with her perfume on them and they still remember it. They love her, who could not. When Gran comes to visit, the boys want to visit with her ~ there is no other adult they at least try to talk to (they are self-interested like all of us)! Gran has made a world of difference in their lives.

Another time, she and I sat on her bed for an evening and were stunned over a recent sibling family divorce. We had the same heart for it. We sat in silence and worried for the departed ex-sibling. She came recently and we went to see a family movie that ends in death but goes on and on - we both didn't have much to say - and finally I looked at her and said, "That was the Worst Movie of All Time!" And we laughed for about 2-3 minutes, with the same heart -it was a bleak movie that ended without a Christian funeral just plop and fizz and it was done, paddle away. Why could we laugh with the same heart - we have both lost people we love and we have Hope for Them in the LORD.

When I am hard pressed for a decision, I think of Judy. Take the high road and be kind. She never says this, she just lives it out every day of her life. It has always held Judy up in hard times. Because Judy doesn't believe hard times last, she believes the high road and some kindness take people to the right answers.

I love you, my second Mom. (I love you, my Anne Mom, too!) I Really Do. May the Lord, the Most High, The God of All Creation, Bless and Love You for the Love you Are. In the Highest name of Jesus Christ, Amen.



<><

Romans 4 ~ "it was counted to him"

Abraham dwelt under a huge Oak, in Mamre.

Romans 4

David Cochran Audio, English Standard Version

What then shall we say was gained by Abraham, our forefather according to the flesh? ² For if Abraham was justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not before God. ³ For what does the Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness.” ⁴ Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a gift but as his due. ⁵ And to the one who does not work but believes in ^[trusts!] him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness, ⁶ just as David also speaks of the blessing of the one to whom God counts righteousness apart from works:

⁷ “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,
and whose sins are covered;
⁸ blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”

⁹ Is this blessing then only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumcised? For we say that faith was counted to Abraham as righteousness. ¹⁰ How then was it counted to him? Was it before or after he had been circumcised? It was not after, but before he was circumcised. ¹¹ He received the sign of circumcision as a seal of the righteousness that he had by faith while he was still uncircumcised. The purpose was to make him the father of all who believe without being circumcised, so that righteousness would be counted to them as well, ¹² and to make him the father of the circumcised who are not merely circumcised but who also walk in the footsteps of the faith that our father Abraham had before he was circumcised.

¹³ For the promise to Abraham and his offspring that he would be heir of the world did not come through the law but through the righteousness of faith. ¹⁴ For if it is the adherents of the law who are to be the heirs, faith is null and the promise is void. ¹⁵ For the law brings wrath, but where there is no law there is no transgression.

¹⁶ That is why it depends on faith, in order that the promise may rest on grace and be guaranteed to all his offspring—not only to the adherent of the law but also to the one who shares the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all, ¹⁷ as it is written, “I have made you the father of many nations”—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. ¹⁸ In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.” ¹⁹ He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead ( since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. ²⁰ No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, ²¹ fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. ²² That is why his faith was “counted to him as righteousness.” ²³ But the words “it was counted to him” were not written for his sake alone, ²⁴ but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, ²⁵ who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.

But for our sake.... these are ancient Words of the LORD and are still for you, today, God's own child.... we learn of Abraham's faith. To please Father God, we have to start with faith. And for our sake Jesus our Lord gives us ~ belief, righteousness, blessing, cover and forgiveness.

God gives us these gifts for His glory. Helping us walk in the footsteps God gives us for our life.

We see God's plan existed before man knew of it, planned it, or hoped for it. Our faith involves being grateful for the unique qualities we all have that make us - us. We take our gratitude for our unique qualities, the gratitude we have for the forgiveness the LORD generously bestows upon us, the hopes we have for our lives and we surround them with our desire to be God's child, to Listen to Him, to want to move, dwell and have our being with Him and we have the mystery of faith.

1 Timothy 3:16
Great indeed, we confess, is the mystery of godliness:

He was manifested in the flesh,
vindicated by the Spirit,
seen by angels,
proclaimed among the nations,
believed on in the world,
taken up in glory.

Ephesians 3:11-21
11 This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, 12 in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. 13 So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.

14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

<><

Mark 10

Mark 10

10 And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.

² And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” ³ He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” ⁴ They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” ⁵ And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. ⁶ But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ⁷ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, ⁸ and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. ⁹ What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

¹⁰ And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. ¹¹ And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, ¹² and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

¹³ And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. ¹⁵ Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” ¹⁶ And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

¹⁷ And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” ¹⁸ And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. ¹⁹ You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” ²⁰ And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” ²¹ And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” ²² Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

²³ And Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!” ²⁴ And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, “Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! ²⁵ It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” ²⁶ And they were exceedingly astonished, and said to him, “Then who can be saved?” ²⁷ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” ²⁸ Peter began to say to him, “See, we have left everything and followed you.” ²⁹ Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, ³⁰ who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. ³¹ But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

³² And they were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking ahead of them. And they were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. And taking the twelve again, he began to tell them what was to happen to him, ³³ saying, “See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will condemn him to death and deliver him over to the Gentiles. ³⁴ And they will mock him and spit on him, and flog him and kill him. And after three days he will rise.”

³⁵ And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came up to him and said to him, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” ³⁶ And he said to them, “What do you want me to do for you?” ³⁷ And they said to him, “Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.” ³⁸ Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” ³⁹ And they said to him, “We are able.” And Jesus said to them, “The cup that I drink you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized, ⁴⁰ but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.” ⁴¹ And when the ten heard it, they began to be indignant at James and John. ⁴² And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. ⁴³ But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴ and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. ⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

⁴⁶ And they came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. ⁴⁷ And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” ⁴⁸ And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” ⁴⁹ And Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.” And they called the blind man, saying to him, “Take heart. Get up; he is calling you.” ⁵⁰ And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. ⁵¹ And Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” And the blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me recover my sight.” ⁵² And Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.

<><

Leviticus 12 ~ purifying

Leviticus 12

12 The Lord spoke to Moses, saying, ² “Speak to the people of Israel, saying, If a woman conceives and bears a male child, then she shall be unclean seven days. As at the time of her menstruation, she shall be unclean. ³ And on the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised. ⁴ Then she shall continue for thirty-three days in the blood of her purifying. She shall not touch anything holy, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying are completed. ⁵ But if she bears a female child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her menstruation. And she shall continue in the blood of her purifying for sixty-six days.

⁶ “And when the days of her purifying are completed, whether for a son or for a daughter, she shall bring to the priest at the entrance of the tent of meeting a lamb a year old for a burnt offering, and a pigeon or a turtledove for a sin offering, ⁷ and he shall offer it before the Lord and make atonement for her. Then she shall be clean from the flow of her blood. This is the law for her who bears a child, either male or female. ⁸ And if she cannot afford a lamb, then she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons, one for a burnt offering and the other for a sin offering. And the priest shall make atonement for her, and she shall be clean.”

When you say Leviticus, most even ardent Bible Studiers are less than enthusiastic. Yet the Scriptures tell us God tells us truth. What do we learn from these Scriptures from around 1300-1500 B.C. (the Exodus date God knows)? It is rather Amazing. Puerperal fever has killed many women for centuries in childbirth. Wandering around in the desert during the Exodus, Leviticus tells us - these women we think were treated as chattel - property - were actually being given the best medical help available at the time.

And male infants shouldn't be circumcised before this time period because of the blood clotting factors.

God is building up the Children of Israel, carrying for women and children - the least of society. If you look to other countries at this time period, would this care be evident? We know that the Children of Israel lived longer than other countries.

And then we come to the sacrifice, ending at the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D. (Jesus' natural life time) - we have baptism, asking blessing on our children. Baptism is asking God to promise us the opportunity of salvation in Jesus.

The Scriptures are filled with wonder.

1 Corinthians 1:21
Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe.


<><

Genesis 22:1-2; Genesis 22:9-13; Genesis 22:15-18 ~ Your offsping shall

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn painting of Abraham and the Angels

Genesis 22:1-2

English Standard Version

22 After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” ² He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”

Genesis 22:9-13

⁹ When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built the altar there and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. ¹⁰ Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” ¹² He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” ¹³ And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son.

Genesis 22:15-18

And the angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time from heaven ¹⁶ and said, “By myself I have sworn, declares the Lord, because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, ¹⁷ I will surely bless you, and I will surely multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore. And your offspring shall possess the gate of his enemies, ¹⁸ and in your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice.”

My mother came to visit recently and she decided on the way to Church to talk about this passage. She says it is her least favorite passage in the Bible. I don't think of it often. There are so many positive things in Scripture, but she wanted to see what my off the cuff remarks would be about it. And I said, "Well, Abraham is different than we are, he could hear God and have conversations. God wants to make sure we are His priority. Because Abraham was so comfortable with God, and even laughed when God told him of Isaac, I would think that Abraham rested in the assurance God would take care of him."

And otherwise, who could fathom this action. Because we are covered with Jesus' love, we are far more fortunate than Abraham. Abraham had already received the announcement of God's blessing, yet God repeats it again here.

Matthew Henry said:

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary

22:1,2 We never are secure from trials In Hebrew, to tempt, and to try, or to prove, are expressed by the same word. Every trial is indeed a temptation, and tends to show the dispositions of the heart, whether holy or unholy. But God proved Abraham, not to draw him to sin, as Satan tempts. Strong faith is often exercised with strong trials, and put upon hard services.

I. The time when Abraham was thus tried (v. 1): After these things, after all the other exercises he had had, all the hardships and difficulties he had gone through. Now, perhaps, he was beginning to think the storms had all blown over; but, after all, this encounter comes, which is sharper than any yet. Note, Many former trials will not supersede nor secure us from further trials; we have not yet put off the harness, 1 Ki. 20:11. See Ps. 30:6, 7.

II. The author of the trial: God tempted him, not to draw him to sin, so Satan tempts (if Abraham had sacrificed Isaac, he would not have sinned, his orders would have justified him, and borne him out), but to discover his graces, how strong they were, that they might be found to praise, and honour, and glory, 1 Pt. 1:7. Thus God tempted Job, that he might appear not only a good man, but a great man. God did tempt Abraham; he did lift up Abraham, so some read it; as a scholar that improves well is lifted up, when he is put into a higher form.

Note, Strong faith is often exercised with strong trials and put upon hard services.

III. The trial itself. God appeared to him as he had formerly done, called him by name, Abraham, that name which had been given him in ratification of the promise. Abraham, like a good servant, readily answered, "Here am I; what says my Lord unto his servant?"

Reading the Scriptures helps us know God's love. Every verse of the Bible is written for you.

<><

Mark 8:27-30 ~ You are the Christ

Please look carefully at the altar, all the people are coming to the Lord! The majesty, the love and the awe in the people for their LORD.


LISTEN ~
To Joe Pace and the Colorado Mass Choir ~
Let Everything That Hath Breath

Mark 8:27-29

²⁷ And Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi. And on the way he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” ²⁸ And they told him, “John the Baptist; and others say, Elijah; and others, one of the prophets.” ²⁹ And he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered him, “You are the Christ.”

Didn't we, as church goers, grow up thinking Peter got to be the first Pope because he arrived at the answer first. Ta da. Then as we study the Scriptures, we see John 1...

John 1:35-42

³⁵ The next day again John was standing with two of his disciples, ³⁶ and he looked at Jesus as he walked by and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God!” ³⁷ The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. ³⁸ Jesus turned and saw them following and said to them, “What are you seeking?” And they said to him, “Rabbi” (which means Teacher), “where are you staying?” ³⁹ He said to them, “Come and you will see.” So they came and saw where he was staying, and they stayed with him that day, for it was about the tenth hour. ⁴⁰ One of the two who heard John speak and followed Jesus was Andrew, Simon Peter's brother. ⁴¹ He first found his own brother Simon and said to him, “We have found the Messiah” (which means Christ). ⁴² He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon the son of John. You shall be called Cephas” (which means Peter).

Cephas heard from his brother (Andrew), who heard from John the Baptist.

Colossians 4:6
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Well, being awkward - I don't know always how to do that. Maybe the LORD will grow this in me as Fruit. (Come on, Jesus!)

But actually this Proclamation of Jesus Christ as Lord, is important. For the same reason John the Baptist said, “After me comes he who is mightier than I, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. ⁸ I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”"

Jesus, who knows us better than we know ourselves. Jesus understands Peter's heart. We are Jesus' beloved, who believe.

Blessed are You, O LORD Most High, God the Almighty. You sent us your son, JESUS.

<><

1 Corinthians 7 ~ For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband

1 Corinthians 7 ~ For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband

2nd Blog Post for 3/2 Comfort and Suffering - the Scoop

Mark 8:33

But turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

And Jesus' life led to this.

Luke 23:24
And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And they cast lots to divide his garments.

Why is there suffering. One of my favorite people on the planet used to say, "We know that if someone dies with cancer, it is because God is weak. Satan is so powerful in this world that God is pushed down." No, my brother (s and sisters) in Christ.

Psalm 24:1
The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein

- is still the Word of God. God does not lie and He does not change from day to day.

We live in a world where we sacrifice. Man, don't we. We have children and let strangers raise them in day care. We don't have time for a nourishing meal or we have many memories of a meal that was so stressful - that fast food is delicious. We don't have time for friends. We come home so wrung out that we all turn on the television. How great is television? We need more wholesome, holy things. People stay away because we aren't always nice to each other. Remember summer days and times in the 1970's and before? Time moved slowly. People gathered. People quilted and sewed. If you looked down your street, people did gather. Time was gentle. Is this sentimental clap trap? No. Look at the news. Now people obsess if they are doing enough work or if work is beneficial. People are jealous of others with time on their hands. Just as people are jealous with more items. Our grandparents bought their houses. Our great-grandparents were cared for in our homes (Lord help me with my parent!). Our parents bought our educations as a gift. We are sacrificing.

Look at the Scandinavian countries. Life is easier. Smaller homes, kids in government care very, very early. Less worry over health care. Yet they have given up freedom and a lot of their beliefs. Watered down. In worst case scenario, they are in Bad Shape if the Government goes Bad. In the United States, we believe in God and yet act badly. Things are not as crisp and clean as when we believed in faith to do right and God will care for us.

Faith and the amount of it effects all of us.

Do you remember in the Scriptures, a loan was supposed to be 7 years. Wouldn't we all be or have been happier with a house affordable in 7 years that wasn't in a woebegone neighborhood with hopelessness, danger and drugs? Why aren't we demanding Congress to order our lives in ways that help people instead of this spiral?

Is God truly weakened by this? I would say No. But God will give us enough rope in free will. So many miracles in the Scriptures are like the father crying out, "I believe, help my unbelief." Can't we all relate to that? We have to put our houses in order and give God glory. People are much more interested, ultimately, in God who gives mercy and blessings. Because God is Love. God says work and grow faith. Believe. Give it a leap.

Faith is a leap. We gave a car once to our Church. Now we have two kids with one car. We need to work on being financially generous to our Church, but funds are a financial diet at our house. Lean. Our financial structure is different than others.

(Have you ever thought about communion? Communion is a meal. It is the New Covenant. The importance of communion is this.... at a restaurant, we eat a meal and we are subjected to a conversation behind us. I've heard some that I Still Remember. Awful. Particularly one anniversary meal at Perry's ... the importance of Communion is - we are together. We wait for the person next in line to Receive. And pray for them. It's a symbol of God. And I believe Communion is God.)

So... suffering.... why does it occur. Is it a weakened God? A man is terminally ill (a friend's family). What could one act of God be in this? His daughter is to step up to the plate. To overcome her ingrained and complete self interest. Maybe she is to learn that she loves her dad more than herself, she is supposed to grow. To have to ask others to help her.

Helping others, when they ask, is an act of God. Helping others by forcing your will upon them, is not. Motivations are important and self defining. It builds a house.

Is love day care? Nursing homes? Does throwing money at someone help them? Withdraw support? Avoidance? Or is it time, talent and effort. Business decisions can sometimes be covered with practicality. Practicality is much more easy to rely upon. But they lead to day care and nursing homes. Less real care. If the sole goal in life is money, we have fragmented families and nights spent in front of the television. In the end, did it make us better people?

Jesus took death from us. He didn't take suffering. We have to grow in faith and see God in all things. Rejecting what is wrong. It comes with a cost. Jesus blazed the trail. Giving us His Holy Spirit. We grow in God when life is difficult, there isn't any praise, but we still believe, believe, believe we need to do as God would have us do.

Times are very hard at my house these days. Fear. Some Isolation. Difficult guarded conversations. Please pray for my family. We sure could use it.


<><

Mark 2:1-12 ~ it was reported that He was at home

Capernaum

Mark 2:1-12

David Cochran Audio, English Standard Version

And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. ² And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them.

³ And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. ⁴ And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.

⁵ And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” ⁶ Now some of the scribes were sitting there, questioning in their hearts, ⁷ “Why does this man speak like that? He is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?” ⁸ And immediately Jesus, perceiving in his spirit that they thus questioned within themselves, said to them, “Why do you question these things in your hearts? ⁹ Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk’? ¹⁰ But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he said to the paralytic— ¹¹ “I say to you, rise, pick up your bed, and go home.” ¹² And he rose and immediately picked up his bed and went out before them all, so that they were all amazed and glorified God, saying, “We never saw anything like this!”

When we look at Scriptures, we can see in even small details, lovely things about Jesus. Jesus was comfortable and at home in His ministry. Jesus relied upon His Father; spent time praying. Jesus is Truth and Grace.

Psalm 50:23
The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;
to one who orders his way rightly
I will show the salvation of God!”

I don't know about you, but people jumping up and down and screaming blaspheme and things of the devil, make me uncomfortable. I'd avoid it. Jesus, because He was comfortable, lived peacefully. Jesus is comfortable in His ministry. Jesus Lives. I mean if you could, wouldn't you get tremendous joy from giving acts of God? Jesus LIVED!!! And now it would be trite to say Jesus Lives? No. Look around you, we love imperfectly, but we love. The acts of mercy of God continue daily. Buck up people, act in love. Why? We believe, believe, believe. We know, we know, we know. Jesus LIVES!



<><

Mark 6 ~ heard

The Great Isaiah Scroll - See the Interactive Archeological Scroll

Godly Artifacts cause rejoicing. Just as people can't connect to dry paintings of Saints, Archeological wonders discovered to Glorify God cause the soul seeking God the Joy of Wonder!!

The Great Isaiah Scroll, 125 B.C., (1QIsaa) 66 Chapters. Oldest, best preserved, largest, almost complete 1 of 7 Dead Sea Scrolls discovered in Qumran in 1947. One thousand years Older than other manuscripts of the Hebrew Bible before this discovery. Exhibits an orthography (spelling) revealing how Hebrew was pronounced and spoken in the Second Temple Period. Amazing, chosen, precious, special, important, loving and outstanding to realize we could hear the words spoken during this time - just from the spelling of this text! Come Lord Jesus! Be the Joy and Strength and Kindness of us all for always!!!

Mark 6

David Cochran Audio, English Standard Version

He went away from there and came to his hometown, and his disciples followed him. ² And on the Sabbath he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished, saying, “Where did this man get these things? What is the wisdom given to him? How are such mighty works done by his hands? ³ Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. ⁴ And Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.” ⁵ And he could do no mighty work there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and healed them. ⁶ And he marveled because of their unbelief.

And he went about among the villages teaching.

⁷ And he called the twelve and began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits. ⁸ He charged them to take nothing for their journey except a staff—no bread, no bag, no money in their belts— ⁹ but to wear sandals and not put on two tunics. ¹⁰ And he said to them, “Whenever you enter a house, stay there until you depart from there. ¹¹ And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.” ¹² So they went out and proclaimed that people should repent. ¹³ And they cast out many demons and anointed with oil many who were sick and healed them.

¹⁴ King Herod heard of it, for Jesus' name had become known. Some said, “John the Baptist has been raised from the dead. That is why these miraculous powers are at work in him.” ¹⁵ But others said, “He is Elijah.” And others said, “He is a prophet, like one of the prophets of old.” ¹⁶ But when Herod heard of it, he said, “John, whom I beheaded, has been raised.” ¹⁷ For it was Herod who had sent and seized John and bound him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife, because he had married her. ¹⁸ For John had been saying to Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife.” ¹⁹ And Herodias had a grudge against him and wanted to put him to death. But she could not, ²⁰ for Herod feared John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he kept him safe. When he heard him, he was greatly perplexed, and yet he heard him gladly.

²¹ But an opportunity came when Herod on his birthday gave a banquet for his nobles and military commanders and the leading men of Galilee. ²² For when Herodias's daughter came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests. And the king said to the girl, “Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will give it to you.” ²³ And he vowed to her, “Whatever you ask me, I will give you, up to half of my kingdom.” ²⁴ And she went out and said to her mother, “For what should I ask?” And she said, “The head of John the Baptist.” ²⁵ And she came in immediately with haste to the king and asked, saying, “I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter.” ²⁶ And the king was exceedingly sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests he did not want to break his word to her. ²⁷ And immediately the king sent an executioner with orders to bring John's head. He went and beheaded him in the prison ²⁸ and brought his head on a platter and gave it to the girl, and the girl gave it to her mother. ²⁹ When his disciples heard of it, they came and took his body and laid it in a tomb.

³⁰ The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. ³¹ And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. ³² And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves. ³³ Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. ³⁴ When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things. ³⁵ And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. ³⁶ Send them away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.” ³⁷ But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said to him, “Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?” ³⁸ And he said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.” And when they had found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.” ³⁹ Then he commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. ⁴⁰ So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties. ⁴¹ And taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all. ⁴² And they all ate and were satisfied. ⁴³ And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish. ⁴⁴ And those who ate the loaves were five thousand men.

⁴⁵ Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. ⁴⁶ And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray. ⁴⁷ And when evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. ⁴⁸ And he saw that they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them, ⁴⁹ but when they saw him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, ⁵⁰ for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” ⁵¹ And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, ⁵² for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

⁵³ When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret and moored to the shore. ⁵⁴ And when they got out of the boat, the people immediately recognized him ⁵⁵ and ran about the whole region and began to bring the sick people on their beds to wherever they heard he was. ⁵⁶ And wherever he came, in villages, cities, or countryside, they laid the sick in the marketplaces and implored him that they might touch even the fringe of his garment. And as many as touched it were made well.

The Scriptures - are vastly different than advertisements. Scriptures, read not for decades but Millenniums (Millenniums!!) - don't compliment the readers. How does that "sell'? Notice with me, verse 12. Repent. Who wants to hear that? Jesus does say exactly that. It would seem the people would have gone home.

Jesus didn't tell Herod, it's okay.

Guess that Jesus had something in Him, people could See. Jesus was caring for the people.

Blessed are You, Lord. Our Redeemer. Jesus the Christ. The Son of God.


<><

Psalm 128 ~ The Lord bless you from Zion, and may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life

Psalm 128

Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord,
who walks in his ways!
² You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands;
you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you.

³ Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.
⁴ Behold, thus shall the man be blessed
who fears the Lord.

⁵ The Lord bless you from Zion!
May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem
all the days of your life!
⁶ May you see your children's children!
Peace be upon Israel!

Got a little story for you today, Ags (Texas A&M), so listen up.

I come from this family that is just funny. And for as long as I can remember, I've carried them in my heart with this tremendous joy and burden. I wondered in my early twenties that all this emotion wouldn't lead me to become an excellent writer. Some of this yearning comes from being an only child of, emotionally, only children. My parents bare the social burdens of being only children. But let me tell you, I had excellent Grandmothers because of it!

Well, my Grandmother used to talk and talk and talk about growing up a Wilson. She even told me Eric Clapton wrote a song about our area of the country. My grandmother was Excellent, she was Love to me. She sent me to college. I'm not the sharpest cookie in the box and I was Profoundly grateful for that time in my life. My life bloomed. I had attention from every part of my college - except my sorority - I just thought life was exceptionally fine.

Well, back to the family story. My great-grandfather came from a fine family, rumor has it we are descendants of the Signers of the Declaration of Independence. Wow. That can make a body proud. I know we were related to Daniel Boone through his daughter Matilda. And one of our family cousins, with a particularly fine Mississippi accent (whom I've always had this unusually strong like for him - he has a real place in my heart - I am excessively fond of him for his family looks and his accent reminding so strongly of my Grandmother - which is funny cause he's not all that fond of her!!) , told me we married into Senator Daniel Boone's family because we are such Excellent people. Wow.

So great-grandfather, Pop, was a bank teller and he wasn't financially all that he had hoped for. And one day, to make a little money, he started an insurance agency. And during the Depression, that insurance company Paid Off. It made him a fortune. By cheating his neighbors. So he became very secretive of his fortune. The children, only 1 of them knew it, lived a very prosperous life. But miserliness is a sin, and Pop didn't emotionally take care of 2 of his children and didn't even help them to get good employment. Pleasing the 1 child, very well. He had learned secretive ways to the burden and joy of his children.

And all of this was a Huge Secret. Creepy. Creepy. Creepy. The local and state government elected officials knew of it (cousins). And they all banded together to conspire that the 1 child would get all the money honey. I hope they were happy, bastards, because - this is true - those horrid people who helped this nasty conspiracy - none of those people could have a child. Sort of makes you think God was looking at this in distaste!

So the next generation had 2 sons and 2 daughters. One favorite daughter, my precious Grandmother and one favorite son - who decided he was entitled emotionally because he was favored and had the most brains in the family. That uncle once unkindly referred to my GRANDMOTHER as being as stupid, as stupid, as one of those William Faulkner's heroines. That novel was given to me and I cannot remember the title of that damn book. For the time being.

(Now I am going to throw in an interesting aside and say William Faulkner was my grandmother's neighbor. He was a Complete alcoholic. Mr. Faulkner, for some reason, liked my grandparent's fine Antebellum home and their fishing pool my grandfather Poss built (short for Possum because there is some nasty story about that no one will tell me about) and used to routinely go into their backyard in the night and pass out. My grandmother would have to go out in her robe and wake him. Mr. Faulkner wasn't particularly nice and he never would even speak to my grandmother. Which was even more peculiar because my dad (Mr. Meet and Greet, Social Lion) was friends with Mr. Faulkner's step-children. Aka, my dad and Malcolm used to get past foxed and get plowed under together. Daddy dated Marianne and was invited to the Faulkner house parties or party.... And I know a particularly fine ghost story about Rowan Oak too.)

So out of the 8 second generation children with theirs spouses (my Grandmother being one of them) none of them were very happy (maybe sharp tongued, iron disciplined Margaret). They all abandoned each other for reasons they didn't fully understand. Chosen son had stolen just about every dime. Except my very cool Uncle Tate was happy. And he was Cool. He drove a Carmengia. He was a Priest and so, unfortunately, it was a Carmengia station wagon. But he did drive it like a bat out of hell and wave all over the road as he talked, and talked, and talked. He was fun. He got himself out of the family sadness and mess because Tate loved Jesus. And Jesus loves Tate. I just had shining eyed admiration for Tate because he could manipulate my dad with a word. Joy. Joy. Joy.

So... my family was poor and had times of prosperity. But that family sadness and desertion pulled in a bad way. Tate died. Daddy ran off with my mom's evil, evil friend. She helped destroy my dad, who was headed that direction any way. Sadness, sadness, sadness. How I loved my dad. Love him. Love him.

I've even had real dreams of him in Heaven. And Grandmother too. With meaningful conversations.

So I became someone who didn't have many friends at all because I was in such sadness over my dad. My dad chose to take his own life. It was his choice. And I am never going to go that path. But the despair. People despise, avoid, ridicule, avoid and ignore people who grieve. They don't want that mess in their lives.

My family became oddly reconnected and disconnected again over my Grandmother's death and my dad's death. Dear God. The pain we could have avoided if we'd just had a conversation instead of lingering grudges. And I would have been so nice to all of them. So... what do I mean about oddly reconnected and disconnected? I am going to take the High Road here and be honest and gracious and say.... there is more to it than I am going to say about that. Privacy is important.

................

Margaret decided to be lazy the day of my Grandmother's funeral. She didn't say to her son, it would be good if you could meet these people over the funeral. They'd appreciate it. Instead she was rather catty, it was probably guilt, but she served a cheap cake on paper plates and wanted us to see the graciousness of her home. She and Bob got into an argument over a family painting. So over this partial, hostile family reunion. Two things happened. I asked Bob, because we were poor and suffering, suffering, suffering, who owns all these vast stretches of property. And Bob got this amazing look on his face. Amazing. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Bob decided he might want to know me a bit better. I was thrilled. Hey. Family. Bob started to visit us from time to time. And we had a BLAST. Bob paid the bills. Yay.

2nd, Margaret must have liked us a bit better because we were now speaking a "Bit". Yay. Family. And.... nothing seemed to come of it. Damn. Then Margaret's 2nd son died. We were sad for her because now her only relative, living near by, was gone. We sent flowers. And I think we hoped we would reconnect again. Nothing came of it. Damn.

More despair. I began in earnest to establish who I was in the LORD. Which means I careened around like a drunken sailor trying to get my bearings. Prone to Wander. And let me be very clear here. A cousin once told me that I was a hep cat. All talk and no action. Let me repeat. No action. Yes I am being vague for a reason. I joined a Christian Bible Study where no one was truthful. It was a bad deal. I was the most honestish. Add up lost fortune. Poor moral directions. Loose talk. And ... trouble brewed up. And kept brewing up since 1995.

My family is fragmented over my dad's own choice to die. My brother has guilt. My mom has guilt she has no guilt because she is angry, but she is guilty.... on and on. My family at large has guilt. Geez people. He chose it. It's not your fault. My cousin AC reacted Really Strangely. My God. Get away - you never even really liked me. Ignored me for years even when our family was happy together. Twit.

One cousin is really sour. I do forgive you. But leave me to lead my own life.

So... in the middle of this incredible muddle - you have Edward. Edward is Smart. Stupid. Just like me. Edward and I grew up together. We are married. We are siblings - not in the literal word. We are geeks. We are goodish looking and have great taste. We have enough materialism to repel and attract people. We are rich in goods and poor, poor in cash with a business in financial difficulty surrounded by family trouble. We are copiously plentiful in good deeds and good prayers. Dear LORD, I want Edward to quit saying the Lord's name in vain to curse us. We are shining Christians with Big flaws.

Edward is the best friend who helped when we were living on nothing. We used to work at our terrible, terrible little jobs and come home to the 2 bedroom home that our family and friends ridiculed us for. Surrounded by lavish wealth, we got heaps of disdain. We felt worthless. Acted with no self esteem. It was a cute, cute, cute little house. In the evenings after slave work, slave cubical/no window, slave wages - we would sit on the floor and Edward only wanted Mrs. Baird's white bread and gallon of milk. We'd sit next to each other and guess what Star Trek episode it was. And laugh. Life was working pretty okay until the trouble in 1995. Cousins can be a real pain in the ass. Banished. Treated badly.

Moved to The Woodlands and everything was Fan-fricking- tastic. Good Church!!! Good Pastor - he was like the best friend we ever had. Really. Edward and I had lunch with Allen 5 days a week and saw him 3 nights a week. Allen liked Edward so much. Finally a Church where people loved each other and honored God. A real community. A real family with fights, prejudices, feuds, forgiveness. Parties, people. Work, reward. Friends, trips to the city............ I lost weight. I looked so good this astonishing stranger came up to me in the Art Museum and asked me how old I was. 40 something. He said no way. I really looked young for my age? Bounder. So appealing. He was very personable at the Museum and seemed to want to just talk. But it was very awkward.

I never forgot. Except I forgot and then remembered.

Ran into him again at Neiman Marcus. I was buying a blue topaz. It wasn't a clean stone. My friend next to me was so excited over this devastating man in a light colored (camel?) sports jacket, that if she'd been a bunny she would have hopped. The sales associate was jealous. This man was..... All That.... and very blatantly sexual. Nope. Can't do that. It didn't end graciously. Thanks sales associate. Thanks awkward me. This man and my friend became friends later. Well she said so. As she was so rude, rude, rude to me happily being rude and gossiping. It didn't help my reputation a bit over those jealousies and that s.h.i.t. hit the fan 2 weeks after my infant daughter died. Gossip over an innocent me. It hurt me for two years.

So.

Temptation. Middle Age. Trouble. Damn Trouble. I hate it. So. It is what it is. Love. And indifference?

Then one day.... we slowly began to work our way back from child loss. And Edward made nice, nice Men friends. And I was lonely. I tagged along. I began to smile. And be happy. And later cry. And I met an unusually angry woman at two Baylor functions. So angry it made an impression.

And to our listening public. It was all talk. And smiles. And insults. Really. Edward was there.

How is it going to work out? Let me tell you. My part. I do love you. We are very similar and dissimilar. I love Edward. I do. He annoys me. But man, he is beginning to listen to me. I promised God I would take care of Edward. I am going to.

And. What will you decide? I don't know. But I do wish you would decide it in the following manner. No more fiber. And you know I am not taking about cabbage. I have a phone. If you are going to "be out of town" don't be talking about downtown.

Win. Lose. Draw. It will work out. I love the Lord. I think you do too in a casual manner. Do what is right. Decide what you think is right. Give me my privacy. Talk to me when you want to talk. Just be kind. I have been kind to you.

(This is Edward - You left your computer on this and I decided that since I am mentioned, I could say something to you. You are my best friend, my counselor, my person to lean on and complain to. I am proud of you for losing 18 pounds. I am proud of your goal to lose another 18 pounds because I know you can do it. You mean so much to me. ( I wonder how long it will take before she notices my comment).

(Hello Edward, honey. It took about 12 hours. Love you. A.L. )

The Lord, the Almighty bless us and watch over us. Guide us and Lead us. In Jesus' Holy name. Amen.




<><