Psalm 16
1 Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;I have no good apart from you.”
3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
5 The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the Lord always before me;because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Today was going to be a difficult day, months have built up to it. This is the anniversary of Isabelle’s day. My husband & I were so pleased and excited to be expecting a daughter after 22 years of marriage and 2 loved, wonderful teenage boys. But the Lord had other plans and a year ago today, our daughter was born at 33 weeks & she was stillborn.
A year ago, in the hospital, after the visiting friends left, I was alone to contemplate my daughter's death. I thought of the grief I’ve experienced in my life and almost all of it was a life experience everyone has at time or another, or a human choice. This was the first time I’d experienced a disappointment I could say was something the Lord had in His Book of Life. I was hurt with Him. I wondered where to go to receive comfort and the phrase floated to me “I have no good apart from You”. True, but how to do this? I wept to Him, I let Him know.
The first night home, it was going to be hard to rest, gently the Lord seemed to say to me, “Put your head on the pillow and rest, I will hold your sorrow tonight.” The pillow never seemed softer and more welcoming, I slept and rested well.
I sat last night to write a letter to Isabelle, with a prayer the Lord would read to her what He’d like her to know from her mother. It was 6 pages and after a year, what I knew to be grateful for in logical sequence, or thought, was real gratitude. Part of the gratitude is profound that Isabelle is placed in with the saints whom God delights in. He holds the life of Isabelle, she is in a beautiful place Jesus called Paradise. Isabelle has already inherited the Kingdom of God and she is part of my inheritance there. I believe it; she and I dwell securely knowing it. We are both on the path of life & we will set the Lord before us.
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